Hey now, gang.
Frequent Birth. Movies. Death. columnist Film Crit Hulk wrote a simple, but brilliant piece a few years back that really resonated with me: why he loves movies. A retort of sorts to a fellow site contributor’s “Why I hate movies” column, it was a non-cynical dedication to his passion and mine, cinema. I felt I learned more about him from that post than I have from reading dozens of his reviews and blogs (Hulk’s stuff is worth a read if you can get past the ALL CAPS LOCK style). Several other bloggers and critics have done similar types of love letters to the motion picture, and I thought I would
rip it off, too. Think of this more as a geek chain letter. I’m paying it forward, and maybe some of you will do the same.
Why do I love movies?
I love them…
Because of the emotions that stunning cinematography or a rousing score can evoke in me.
Because a century later, it’s still a wonderful, immersive (and relatively inexpensive) form of escapism.
Because I learned most cuss words from The Goonies.
Because of Alfred Hitchcock.
Because when this baby hits 88 miles per hour, you’re gonna see some serious shit.
Because that ball in Phantasm scared the crap outta me.
Because I always recognize the Wilhelm Scream.
Because of Rick Baker.
Because of Stan Winston.
Because of Ray Harryhausen.
Because a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…
Because of Godzilla’s roar.
Because Jaws really did make people afraid to go back in the water.
Because you maniacs! You blew it up!
Because of long takes.
Because all those moments will be lost in time… like tears in rain.
Because of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walked into Rick’s.
Because of several timeless John Williams themes.
Because of Buster Keaton.
Because of every line by R. Lee Ermey in Full Metal Jacket.
Because I kick ass for the Lord!
Because in a sea of lousy modern vampire flicks, a little Swedish one still blew me away.
Because of Chaplin’s speech in The Great Dictator.
Because these go to 11.
Because every town has an Elm Street.
Because of the way Bill and Ted pronounce “Socrates” and “Beethoven.”
Because in space no one can hear you scream.
Because beautiful babies don’t work midnight to six on a Wednesday. This is the skank shift.
Because of Peter Sellers.
Because yes, it’s true. This man has no dick.
Because of Victor’s mini movie-within-a-movie in The Rules of Attraction.
Because we named the dog “Indiana.”
Because without them, what the hell would I quote every 30 seconds?
Because you’ve got red on you.
Because dying ain’t much of a living, boy.
Because National Lampoon’s European Vacation was the first time I saw a boobie.
Because I now know why you cry.
Because of Crispin Glover’s dance in Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter.
Because of Crispin Glover.
Because Tron fights for the users.
Because of Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino’s coffee scene in Heat.
Because you’ll shoot your eye out, kid.
Because of Reed Rothchild’s poem in Boogie Nights.
Because of Inigo Montoya and the man in black’s duel atop the Cliffs of Insanity.
Because if it bleeds, we can kill it.
Because of the hula hoop sequence in The Hudsucker Proxy.
Because of Alan Rickman’s voice.
Because we can’t stop here; this is bat country.
Because mobsters hate Nazis more than they hate the Rocketeer.
Because she’s my Rushmore, Max.
Because of Bill freaking Murray.
Because I like to dissect girls. Did you know I’m utterly insane?
Because of Dennis Hopper and Christopher Walken’s exchange in True Romance.
Because I don’t have to show you any stinking badges!
Because GORDON’S ALIVE!
Because I gave her my heart; she gave me a pen.
Because I’m your huckleberry.
Because Red took Andy’s advice, and got busy living.
Because Phoebe Cates took off her top, and jump-started my puberty.
Because of the Gremlins theme.
Because of glorious Gremlins knockoffs, like Munchies, Critters, and Ghoulies.
Because Hal wouldn’t open the pod bay doors.
Because Ash replaced his right hand with a chainsaw.
Because of George A. Romero.
Because if nobody comes down here and buys a car in the next hour, I’m gonna club this baby seal.
Because I’m getting too old for this shit.
Because of Basil Poledouris’ Conan the Barbarian score.
Because I have come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass… and I’m all out of bubble gum.
Because of double entendre Bond girl names.
Because his wallet was the one that said “Bad Motherfucker” on it.
Because Wolfman’s got nards!
Because they’re on a mission from God.
Because of those nearly dialogue-less final minutes of The Last of the Mohicans.
Because of Lloyd Kaufman.
Because of Alec Baldwin’s speech in Glengarry Glen Ross.
Because Werner Herzog ate his shoe.
Because a handful of uncompromising gems still squeak out of play-it-safe Tinseltown each year.
Because of Anthony Michael Hall’s drunk scene in Weird Science.
Because the Warriors come to plaaaaay!
Because the main guy of the story is a fat kid that nobody likes named Davie Hogan.
Because Robin Hood speaks treason… “fluently.”
Because of every song in Monty Python’s Life of Brian and The Meaning of Life.
Because the Joker made that pencil disappear.
Because of Film Noir.
Because you can’t fight in here! This is the war room!
Because of Roger Deakins.
Because I don’t know what the hell’s in there, but it’s weird and pissed off, whatever it is.
Because it wasn’t the airplanes. It was Beauty that killed the beast.
Because Nicolas Cage has given me so much joy.
Because Malick can capture a shot so gorgeous it makes you weep for the beauty of this earth.
Because Walter doesn’t roll on Shabbas.
Because I have, and always will be, your friend.
Because of John Hughes’ ’80s films.
Because I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
Because it’s all in the reflexes.
Because sometimes they really are worth the wait and do live up to the hype.
Because of the hundreds of great films that aren’t yet made.
Because they’re bringing all my childhood (super)heroes to life.
Because they visualize our dreams.
Because they made me realize mine.
I could do this all day, but thought it best to round it off to an even one hundred. Plenty more are coming to mind, enough to ensure a followup post, but I’d say that’s a decent representation of the cinephile that is me.
Thank you for taking the time, folks. Hope you enjoyed reading it half as much as I did writing it. If any of this sparked a reason for why you, too, love the medium, then by all means, please share.