2016 Seminoles As Movies


I just finished my last fantasy draft. NFL pre season is over. The SEC has already proven to be overrated… That can only mean one thing. And that one thing my friends is that it’s officially college football season again. Welcome back to the most wonderful time of the year. A time where hope springs eternal (unless you are a USC, Miss ST, or an Oklahoma fan). But not only is this a great time to be a football fan, it’s also a great time to be a cinephile. There have been some pretty interesting movies to hit the screens this year. If you are a fan of movies like I am, that means you have already seen tons of great (and some not so great) cinematic adventures. Now, let’s do a preview of the 2016 Seminoles by comparing them to movies from 2016!



Most of you probably haven’t seen Swiss Army Man (which is a real shame), but hey, that’s half the point. None of us have seen Deondre Francois. So, what can we expect from the quarterback position according to Swiss Army Man?  For starters, one of the 2 main characters is dead. Here’s looking at you Sean Maguire. I don’t want to sound harsh, but we know who Maguire is. He is the ultimate Nole at heart, but he just doesn’t quite have that it factor. In the case of Swiss Army Man, he has no life. The other character, well, we don’t know what to think of him. Is he crazy? Delusional? Or does he know exactly what he’s doing? Here’s the good news. Swiss Army Man was a fantastic movie. One of my favorites, and I think we will all feel that way about Francois as the year progresses. And bonus, I can guarantee a totally awesome montage at the end of the year.


RUNNING BACKS – Captain America: Civil War

Captain Cook?
Captain Cook?

The safest bet on the 2016 Seminoles. This movie was supposed to be good, and honestly, it was even better than you thought it would be.  And at the same time, some of your friends refuse to admit it’s greatness because it’s “just a comic book movie”. Dalvin Cook is Captain America.  He has a very legitimate shot at winning another Heisman trophy for FSU. He’s got the moves. He’s a leader now. He can’t lose. His underrated fullback, Freddie Stevenson (he can be The Hulk) will lead the way. The only real question is who will the main back up be. You want it to be Jacques Patrick, but I can’t help thinking he’s Hawkeye. Just not quite the hero we are all hoping he would be. The good news is Ryan Green, aka Thor. He had no business being awesome in movies, but somehow he is. I think this year Green will show out. Rumor is Amir Rasul may even make a cameo in 2016, you know, like Spider-Man.


WIDE RECEIVERS – Mike And Dave Need Wedding Dates

Mike And Dave Need Wedding Dates is not the best movie of all time. But that’s not why you see it. You see it because you want some laughs. Sure, Zac Efron is in it and that’s kinda dorky, but he IS hilarious. That’s Travis Rudolph. You don’t put him at the top of any lists of best receivers at FSU, but he delivers. You don’t admit you have his poster, but you do. Cause he’s clutch.  Adam Devine can be Jesus Wilson. He comes through, but also drops at least one ball a game. Honestly, the most exciting thing about Mike and Dave wasn’t even Mike. Or Dave. It was a newcomer named Sugar Lyn Beard playing the sister of Mike and Dave. Every scene she is in is hilarious. Honestly, she is a future star. Did I mention future star Auden Tate? Mike and Dave also featured the hilarious Aubrey Plaza who, unfortunately, wasn’t hilarious in this movie. But at least we know she has it in her. I’m waiting for George Campbell to be the guy we all think he can be in much the same way.

Sugar Lyn Beard and Auden Tate - The same person?
Sugar Lyn Beard and Auden Tate – The same person?


TIGHT ENDS – X-Men Apocalypse

X-Men Apocalypse was good, not great. It delivered just enough. Honestly, I love Jennifer Lawrence. She’s earned her place in the bright lights, but I think the movie could have been better if it didn’t focus on her so much. It felt forced. And the thing is, it’s a movie about mutants! Maybe focus on someone with awesome powers a bit more… Like Nightcrawler. As far as tight ends go, Ryan Izzo is a nice prospect. We probably should be focused on him. He deserves it. But man, have you seen Mavin Saunders? He’s huge and fast. I just wonder, what if we have a transcendent tight end already on the roster of the 2016 Seminoles….


OFFENSIVE LINE – Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice


Ugh. This movie is a mess. You watch it and you think, “I know there’s a good movie in the somewhere. Where is it?” Honestly, it’s crazy that this movie isn’t better. It has huge stars and iconic characters. FSU has recruited extremely well at O-line the last few years. We have some players that are high draft picks (Rod Johnson) and countless others that cut an imposing Doomsday-like figure. But for some reason, at the end of the day, I’m just not happy with what we put on the field in the offensive trenches. I think the problem with Batman v Superman is with the vision. The man behind the project. Freaking Zack Snyder. He makes beautiful, stupid movies. Could it be that the Seminole offensive line suffers from a similar issue? I have been critical of Rick Trickett for quite some time. I’m not calling for his job, but this is the year where there are no more excuses. It’s time to cash in on the potential of the line. And I am calling for Snyder’s job. Get someone in there with real vision. Just let Affleck do it all.



Deadpool was a runaway success, and a fantastic movie. Anyone paying attention could have seen this coming a mile away. Ryan Reynolds is SO lovable. Much like Demarcus Walker. To hear his wise cracking jokes is to love him. But you can’t have a good superhero movie without violence, and look no further than Derek Nnadi and Josh Sweat. These two are freaks. Nnadi is stronger than most humans have any business being. Seriously, he’s so impressive in the weight room that the coaches recently asked him to stop pushing himself. Think about that and try not to lol. Then you have Josh Sweat. He was great last year as a true frosh. And then you remember, he was still in recovery from catastrophic knee surgery. And he isn’t anymore. He’s the closest thing the NCAA has seen to Clowney since Clowney and I won’t be shocked if he gets 20 sacks. The only possible knock on the D-line is depth. Just like Deadpool, there aren’t a ton of huge stars. But if we get performances as good as TJ Miller and Ed Skrein, a few lesser known actors, we will be fine. Oh, and the good news is, we know Deadpool is doing a sequel, and we know it will be just as awesome. So lookout 2017.


LINEBACKERS – Star Trek Beyond

First and foremost… RIP Anton Yelchin. He was a truly talented actor and I loved him in a lot of movies.

I think Linebacker is the most unknown segment of the 2016 Seminoles. I’m not really sure what to expect. If I’m honest, I can admit I figured Star Trek Beyond wouldn’t be very good.  After Star Wars starting again, Trek takes a back seat. Even J.J. Abrams left the project. So, imagine my surprise when I see it and it’s actually really solid. Not elite, but really, really good. I think we’ll have Matthew Thomas to thank for that this year. Yes, I am saying his name out loud. The unicorn will FINALLY have the impact on the defense that we all thought he would three years ago. I am looking for the rest of the backers to follow his lead. Much like the D-line, depth is a concern. But if our stars stay healthy, I think the 2016 trek will be just fine.



Derwin James - As brutal as Jason Bourne
Derwin James – As brutal as Jason Bourne

At this point, I think we can say the defensive backs don’t rebuild, they re-load. Simply look at the most recent NFL drafts to see that FSU has a real argument at calling themselves “DBU”. It seems every year we have at least one player being talked about at the top of the draft. Every year we have at least one player in the top 5 at their position in college ball. And this year, we have two – Derwin James and Marquez White. The Jason Bourne movie kind of showed up on the scene without a lot of hype. I didn’t really know they were making it. It was just here, and it kicked… so much butt. Fans may overstate how good James was last year. He was good, but not the all world player his reputation suggests. Of course he was a true freshman. And THIS year, he absolutely will be all world. By the time he leaves FSU (next year… lol) I think he will be spoken of as one of the greats in NCAA history. What sets him apart from Jalen Ramsey or Ronald Darby or some recent greats is the fact that he will absolutely be around the ball. If he doesn’t have 5 sacks and turnovers this year, I will be shocked. And then you have Marquez White, quietly a top five cornerback last year. Look for teams to avoid him this year altogether, which will put the onus on the young defensive backs. The supporting cast in Jason Bourne helps make the movie as awesome as it is, and I look to Tarvarus Mcfadden, Marcus Lewis, and the returning Trey Marshall to do the same for the 2016 Seminoles.


SPECIAL TEAMS – Now You See Me 2

Special teams had to be a sequel. We will have another highly rated Aguayo kicking, and it appears Bobo Wilson and Kermit Whitfield returning kicks. Now You See Me 2 is an okay movie. Our special teams will also be okay until we get some dynamism returning kicks. Whitfield should be better than he is, and Bobo is steady. The real question is if we see highly touted freshman Levonta Taylor returning kicks at some point, and, I hope that answer is yes.

About Jarrett Haas

Jarrett is co-founder of State-Lines.com, owner of Rule8Media.com, awesome videographer at RelevantChurch.com, creator, dreamer, and all around dude.

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