This is the plot summary to the book “50 Shades of Revis”, which does not exist.

When plucky underdogs “The Tampa Bay Buccaneers” become interested in the dashing and athletic Darrelle Revis, they encounter a man who is athletic, brilliant, and possibly the best man to man press cover corner in the nfl. The unworldly, innocent Bucs are startled to realize they want this man and, despite his enigmatic reserve, find they are desperate to get close to him. Unable to resist the Bucs money, money, and the fact that they are NOT the Jets, Revis admits he wants Tampa, too—but on his own terms. Shocked yet thrilled by Revis’ singular cover skills, the Bucs hesitate. For all the trappings of his talent—his fluid hips, his yards per attempt average, and his island real estate company—Revis is a man tormented by demons and consumed by the need to hold out. When the couple embarks on a daring, pending-a-physical-exam trade, the Bucs discover Darrelle Revis’ desire to make a billion dollars and the Jets desire to be a terrible team.

Exciting, amusing, and deeply moving, “50 Shades of Revis” is a tale that will obsess you, possess you, and stay with you forever… Or until he holds out again.

On Sunday, April 21st, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers acquired a truly special player. Darrelle Revis, possibly the best cornerback in the NFL, flew in on a jet plane from the Jets. Revis Island is now located somewhere between Davis Island and Harbour Island. In a black and white world, Bucs fans should be excited, and Jets fans should be a little mad (but also a little excited). But this is not a black and white world. We work in at least 50 shades of grey (has anyone seen that clip of Gilbert Gottfried reading “50 Shades of Grey”? I won’t link to it, because this is a family site, but man… It’s funny). And like Ana, the main character from the previously mentioned book, whose name I ONLY KNOW because I used wikipedia, and NOT because I own the book, I want to explore some of these shades of grey.

Grey Area Number One – Health

This is the grey area I’m least concerned about. We just witnessed Adrian Peterson suffer a worse knee injury and come back, what, 8 days later? It seemed like that at least. He tore his knee apart and was back on an NFL field tearing defenses apart in such a short amount of time, it boggles the mind. Now, it’s reasonable to think that Revis’ recovery will not be as radical as Peterson’s, because, well, he’s Adrian Peterson and he’s a total freak. But hey, Revis is a top notch freak of an athlete as well, so his recovery could be even better. The only issue I see is that the job of a cornerback can require a bit more cutting and breaking than that of a running back. Revis will require more range out of his new bionic knee than Peterson, so it’s probable that his recovery will be just a bit slower. But, considering Revis is in the prime of his career and athletic ability, I believe, and the Bucs must also believe, he will have a full recovery.

Grey Area Number Two – The Bucs Trade Strategy

As a Bucs fan, I am a bit disappointed in the Bucs strategy. Reports are that The Jets wanted three picks, and we ended up only giving them two. So, in that respect, we won the blinking contest. But I think we could have had him without giving up this year’s first rounder (not that you aren’t worth it Darrelle!). To see where the Bucs messed up, we first have to look at last years pass defense stats. But be careful… Looking at the Bucs pass defense stats is similar to looking at the ark of the covenant.

Category Number NFL Rank
Comp pct. 62.8 28th
Yds per att. 9.2 T-30th
Yds PG 203.7 Last
YAC PG 72.5 31st
— ESPN Stats & Information

So the Bucs pass defense was historically bad. Everyone in the league, and most people out of it, knew we needed some serious help at corner. Sure, I love the signing of Dashon Goldson, but we need more than safety help. We need corners, and lots of them. So, tell me… how many corners have we signed in the off season? Bueller? Bueller? Exactly zero. We actually let go of a corner or two (which, may in fact be addition by subtraction). But hey, no big deal because our pass rush is so good it will make our secondary better, right? Wrong! And to make matters worse, we let our best pass rusher go to Seattle (albeit with a torn rotator cuff) for a maddeningly small contract that we could very easily have afforded. So, all that to say that it was very obvious we needed Revis. We attempted to sign no other CB from the free agent market, of which there were some decent starting caliber corners. I was prepared to write an article about how the Bucs boxed themselves in for an eventual trade rape of epic proportions by not even pretending to be interested in anyone else, but the Jets are the Jets and they ALSO had no bargaining power. I would have preferred the Bucs sign someone like Brent Grimes, Sean Smith, or… BOTH to a cap friendly deal. Then, we could have pretended that we didn’t need Revis and were content to move on without him. The Jets obviously wanted to get rid of him, and I feel we could have gotten Revis for a package of picks that did not include our first.

Grey Area Number Three – The Jets Trade Strategy

Ok, so strategy isn’t really the right word. The Jets are funny right now. From every interview I’ve seen with the owner, Woody Johnson (yes, that’s his real name) he seems like a cool guy. But, he has turned his team in to the early 2000 Clippers of the NFL. They are basically a joke. They have given tons of money to Mark Sanchez and Santonio Holmes when it is crystal clear that they should have given ALL of that money to Revis. Rex Ryan seems like a GREAT coordinator, but an in-over-his-head head coach. He has a foot fetish, that creepy tattoo, and don’t get me started on the Tebow debacle… I’m getting off track. The Jets trade strategy. As I said before, they really had none. They only had one team, the Bucs, interested, so there was no one to drive the market up. Sure, in a bit of posturing, they forced Revis to attend mini camp. But that’s really all they did to try and convince anyone, Revis included, that they were interested in resigning him to a long term deal. All the Bucs had to do was wait for the Jets to get desperate, which they did, about a week before the draft.

Grey Area Number Four – Revis’ Happiness

It is well documented that Darrelle Revis has held out, like, 13 times. Or three. One of those… Anyway, he is not shy about staying away from the team and letting his agent to the dirty work. This can be bad for team chemistry. It makes the player appear “me-first” and that is not a good look to young, impressionable players, or grisly veterans. Not to mention, fans hate it. Sure, Revis has done this, but if you look a bit closer, it seems that all of his holdouts have been about one thing – Getting paid. Well, guess what? He is now, officially, paid. He just signed a contract totaling 96 million dollars. In the words of the great MacGruber “Thats a whole lotta wampum.” So now that he is paid, will he be happy? Or is he just a malcontent? Who knows? One thing that is interesting about the contract is that it is not “guaranteed”. Which means the Bucs could release him at anytime. But here’s the thing – we know they wont release him this year. And since his contract is basically a series of 16 million dollar contracts that sounds like 16 million guaranteed right there. And, presumably, the Bucs will not release him next year, so that’s 16 more. If we release him after only two years, that’s a terrible deal for a first round pick and a probable third in next years draft. So, in all likelihood, we will keep him for awhile at 16 million a clip. If that’s all that we have to pay him, I suppose that’s a good contract for both sides. But what if his play slips? Or perhaps worse, he’s amazing? What’s to keep the Bucs, or moreover, Revis, from wanting to change the number in front of all those zero’s a few years from now? It will be interesting to watch how this plays out.

I don’t know how the book “50 Shades of Grey” ends, so I will assume it ends in a beautiful union between the two main characters. And they live happily ever after for years, and wing multiple Superbowls. If that’s not the case, please, don’t tell me.



About The Author

Jarrett Haas

Jarrett is co-founder of, owner of, awesome videographer at, creator, dreamer, and all around dude.

Related Posts