THIS INFOMERCIAL NEEDS A SOUNDTRACK. PRESS PLAY BELOW AND LISTEN WHILE YOU READ ALONG.
Jeremy: Hi, my name is Jeremy Stacks, and I’m here with the founder of H4H, Keith Adkins. Keith, how did you come up with the revolutionary H4H.
Keith: Well, Jeremy, I’ve been involved in public relations consulting for over 25 years. I’ve worked with some of the biggest celebrities and pro athletes through the course of my career, and what I came to realize is that for a vast majority of those who were the most successful, they were motivated by negative feedback and publicity more so than the positive. Based on my observations, I theorized that certain personality types, when faced with a lack of career motivation, could take steps to garner hatred, thus giving them the energy boost they needed to push through their career plateau.
Jeremy: Can you cite any examples?
Keith: I have to be careful here due to client confidentiality agreements, but remember the Kanye/Taylor Swift moment at the VMA’s?
Jeremy: That was you?
Keith: I can’t say.
Jeremy: Any other examples?
Keith: Remember Lebron James and the Decision?
Jeremy: Was that you?
Jeremy: You can’t say . . .
Jeremy: You’re not suggesting people go out and do outlandish things just to become hated are you?
Keith: Absolutely not. For most regular everyday people, that is not a realistic option. Most of us don’t have large enough circles or the resources to risk the alienation that would accompany such outlandish behavior. What H4H does is cut straight to the anecdote that follows that behavior: the haters themselves. H4H isolates the key ingredient, haters, which have fueled so many successes throughout history.
Jeremy: And who can benefit from this product?
Keith: Anyone, Jeremy. H4H is for people who have no haters as well as people that have haters but want more.
Jeremy: Incredible! That sounds fantastic! Let’s take a break to hear a word from our Sponsor.
ARE YOU NOT GETTING THE HATE YOU BELIEVE YOU DESERVE?
HAVE YOU FOUND YOURSELF LACKING THE MOTIVATION TO ACHIEVE YOUR GOALS?
HAVE TRADITIONAL MOTIVATIONAL TOOLS FAILED TO GIVE YOU THE BOOST YOU NEED TO IMPROVE YOUR LIFE?
IF YOU ANSWERED “YES” TO ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS, THEN THE NEW REVOLUTIONARY TOOL…
H4H IS FOR YOU!!!
H4H is a revolutionary, clinically proven, motivational program that will change your life. Created by life coach, Keith Adkins, H4H takes lessons from Keith’s 25 years experience as a public relations consultant to the stars and combines it with the latest research on hater based motivation to create a life changing program that is guaranteed to improve your life. For a onetime $10 registration fee and only $9.99 a month, you can begin to improve your life today! If your life doesn’t begin to improve after 30 days of H4H, you get your money back, Guaranteed!
19 year old goofy guy: But what exactly is H4H?
Narrator: H4H is a revolutionary program designed to improve anyone’s life!
Immediately following registration, you will be assigned your own personal team of Haters. Your Haters will periodically call, text, and email you jealous and hateful messages.
19 year old goofy kid: But what if I don’t have anything to be jealous about?
Narrator: Don’t worry. Our team of professionally trained haters will intimately scan your profile for all potential angles. Just watch:
(Hater wearing headset in call center): Hello, is this Jared? Jared, fuck you and your 1985 Nissan Sentra. I don’t give a fuck if you got a car. I like walking anyways. Bitch ass. You think you’re the shit, don’t you? I gotta go, my mom is calling me.
(Female Hater Professional in middle of call): Bitch, you must think you cute. You best stop talking to my man! . . . Bitch, I saw your number in his phone, that’s how I know!
If you call in today, we will throw in three, not one, not two, but three social media hate messages every month. This is a $180 value for only twelve installments of $9.99!
My Stepfather signed me up for H4H because, as a standout athlete, he knew that I would have to learn to deal with naysayers and haters on my way to the top. Not only from fans and the media, but also from people I grew up with. Thanks to H4H, I know how to handle even my worst of haters. Hi HATERS! – Lloyd Bayweather (Former Five Star football recruit)
When I first started rapping, I didn’t have no haters, feel me? But thanks to Keith and his team at H4H, I have mo’ real haters than I ever couldamagined. You feel me? – Anonymous Rapper
In today’s media marketplace, it is impossible to be a successful blogger without a healthy number of haters. Web traffic for my blog tripled once H4H began spewing venom in my twitter feed. It gave my website the exact boost it needed and now I have one of the most successful sports blogs ever. – Phil Lemons (Blogger/Entrepreneur)
To order your first month of H4H just dial 1-888-555-HATE. First 50 callers get a one year free trial of the deluxe package which includes 3 additional social media hates as well as a yearly blog article dedicated to hating on your life and work. This offer is for a limited time only, void where prohibited.