What are your three favorite television dramas of all time?
Twilight Zone, Twilight Zone, and Twilight Zone. I’ve called in sick to work so I can stay home and watch the Twilight Zone. Oh wait… those aren’t really dramas, huh? Well then… “Firefly”, “Breaking Bad”, and “The Walking Dead.” I’m feeling guilty for picking two shows that are new, so I feel like I should pick some older shows… but I won’t.
What are your three favorite television comedies of all time?
“It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”, “Louie,” and “Three’s Company.” C’mon, super-player Jack Ritter living with two chicks in the mid-coke, pre-AIDS era? Even though they didn’t go there, they went there. Heaven.
What prematurely aborted or cancelled television series (and its consequent lack of closure) has left you utterly empty inside?
“Heroes.” I’m STILL mad that they left it without even giving us a 90-minute episode, TV movie, continuing comic, or SOMETHING?!?! Why was that show cancelled?
What do you consider to be the most satisfying television series finale ever?
“Rosanne,” where it turns out all 9 seasons were just a dream. Oh wait, did you say “satisfying”? I thought you said the “most stupid dumb-dumb” series finale ever. O-KAY, I kinda don’t want to admit this, and it may be that I’m thinking of this only because I am watching Matthew Perry’s newest series “Go On” as we speak, but “Friends” was pretty satisfying. Ross and Rachel got back together, Monica and Chandler adopted twins, Phoebe and Paul Rudd got married (okay, prior to the finale…), and Joey… well, he got a spinoff. (Confession #2: I LOVED the spinoff and was pretty upset when they didn’t continue it to the point where the OTHER friends started making cameos. THAT was where that was SUPPOSED to go.
What is a favorite film that you consider to be obscure or unknown to others?
Amelie,” though I’ve found that everyone who knows what they are talking about has a copy of it in their DVD collection so perhaps it’s not as obscure as I thought. Y’know what though? I saw it in the theatre. That’s right, I spelled it with an “r-e.”
What is a film you have seen that you consider to be an unforgivable waste of your precious time?
Life is too short to be uncomfortable with walking out of terrible movies. What do I wish I would have walked out on? “Suing the Devil.” Here’s the story with that: Once a year, I cruise through IMDB and sort through the upcoming releases by year and look at what movies are coming out. Usually I can pick out stuff that isn’t actually going to get made, stuff that is going to be pretty good, stuff that is going to be horrible, etc. Every once in awhile, I stumble upon something that I get very excited about. Enter, “Suing the Devil.” Premise: A young attorney decides to make a name for hiimself by waging a lawsuit against Satan for causing all the world’s misery. AND… <drumroll>… Satan is played by MALCOLM McDOWELL. So, Netflix doesn’t carry this movie, Redbox doesn’t carry this movie, and video stores do not exist anymore. I finally found it available via on-demand, so I ordered it. 4 minutes into it I realized that the acting was going to be terrible, but I figured they just blew their budget on getting McDowell, so I waited it out. 15 minutes into it I realized that it was a low-budget Christian film, peppered with awkward bible verses and lazy writing that could rival the Kiss song, “Lick it Up,” which just repeats it’s namesake 980 times for 3 1/2 minutes. It was SO bad, that not even Malcolm McDowell could eek a recommendation for this film from me. What really sucks is that this could have been great. I imagined McDowel as the Devil presenting free-will philosophical arguments against the goodness of God and debating Nietzsche-esque “God is Dead” with this young attorney… not some hacky P.O.S. that fails to deliver on all fronts. How did they even get McDowell on board for this? It’s not the Christian message that I’m upset about, it’s that it’s inexcusably terribly executed when the potential for a great film was right there in the concept. After I saw the movie I checked review sites that all sung the praises of this movie, so it looks like there’s some Christian plants that submitted reviews… as a Christian guy myself, it’s really embarrassing. I mean, with garbage like this circulating around it’s no wonder that everyone thinks Christians are all Vanilla Blanders from Blandsville, BORE-neo. What I learned? Great actors cannot overcome horrible writing.
What are your three favorite films of all time?
“Amelie”, “Another State of Mind,” and “Suburbia” (the Penelope Spheeris one, not the Richard Linklater one).
Who are three film directors whose work you admire.
Seriously, I can’t think of anything disappointing about anything Martin Scorcese has done. I haven’t seen it all, but I’ve seen enough to know that he’s been CONSISTENT. Quentin Tarantino, same thing. Everything he’s ever touched is good. I don’t love all of it, but I really like even the stuff that’s my least favorite. Okay… those are two that everyone is going to say, so the third one is going to need to be something special. Let’s see… OH! Alfred Hitchcock. Hitchcock is special. Haas, let’s have a Hitchcock marathon, cool?
What are your three favorite music groups?
I have a rotating top 5 that ebbs and flows, so my answers will change depending on when you ask me. At this exact moment, my three favorites are Johnny Cash, Morrissey, and The Ramones. Ask me in a few weeks and it may look something like Johnny Cash, Bad Religion, and The Ramones. A week after that it may be Johnny Cash, the Beastie Boys, and the Ramones. I suppose Johnny Cash and the Ramones are pretty constant… but it would be neglectful for me to not mention Chuck Berry and Buddy Holly as big-time favorites that definitely make the Top 3 a few times a year for me.
Who is your favorite dead musician of any era?
Buddy Holly. This guy wrote so many great songs and produced so many great recordings by his early 20’s that it saddens me that we did not get to hear the things to come. Fortunately, although his time was brief, he left us with a catalog small enough to enjoy yet large enough to explore.
What are your three desert island albums?
London Calling by The Clash, Live at Carnegie Hall by Judy Garland (1961), Kind of Blue by Miles Davis
What music group or performer would you like to punch in the face?
Danzig, because apparently that’s a great way to get over 2 million web hits. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zfD7agP1yxw) “North-Side-Kings-Un-De-Feated!”
What are your three favorite books?
The Bible (hokey answer, but seriously that proverbs shit never gets old), “Go” by John Clellon Holmes, and “A Criminal and an Irishman” by Patrick Nee.
What well known voice would you like to have read you to sleep each night?
Who is your favorite stand-up comic?
George Carlin, but I think Louis CK will take that spot one day.
Who is your favorite cartoon character?
The Pink Panther.
Who is your favorite fictional villain?
Osama bin Laden.
Who is your favorite fictional hero?
Who are your favorite sports teams?
For the most part, I don’t root. I do like the Tampa Bay Lightning though, mostly out of loyalty to one of my best friends, who has worked for the Lightning for the past 10 years. He gets me into games and I have an excellent time eating things that I shouldn’t eat and spending $80 on booze.
What fantasy sports do you play?
What are your best sports moments as a fan?
I don’t think this is where you guys mean for me to go with this question, but I’m Going Unconventional on this one. In 2004, before the Lightning won the Stanley Cup, they won their conference championship. With that win came the Prince of Wales Trophy. The Prince of Wales Trophy was first awarded in 1926, so it’s a pretty old item, right? Well, I’m at Drummer’s house waiting for Bass Player to show up. We’re having some beers, we’re tuning some instruments, we’re playing some Eddie Cochran records… y’know, typical rock star shit. Bass Player pulls up into the driveway in his 1999 Pontiac Sunfire and what’s strapped in the passenger seat of his car? That’s right, the Prince of Wales Trophy. “What are you doing with that?!?”, Drummer asks. “They asked me to go get it cleaned, so I have it now,” Bass Player answers. He’s cruising around town and driving through the Taco Bell drive-through with this thing like it’s his kid brother, seat-belted into the front seat. What next? He can’t very well leave this 78 year old item of sports history in his car while we go play rock’n roll songs now, can he? Of course not! So we bring it in, set it on a table in the center of us (during practice we play facing each other), and played some seriously good rock’n roll songs straight at this old bastard. Ol’ Prince of Wales had a great time and even made it home safe and sound. Not exactly what you were looking for, but THAT is MY favorite sports moment as a fan.