Entry #3 – Superhero Edition – At the bottom of the page I rank which Arrested Development characters would make the best superheros and which superheroes they would be.

Jumping right in:

16 – Public Relations

Rating:  7.5 

Favorite Quote:  “Well that certainly leaves me out.  You said, ‘single’ right?  She said ‘single.’” – Tobias accidently declaring himself not attractive or straight.

Highlights: 

Interestingly this episode is #31 on thefutoncritic.com’s list of 2004 best episodes on TV.  It felt like more of a bridge episode to me.  Maybe I was just too busy eating to give it my undivided attention. 

17 – Marta Complex

Rating: 9.5 

Favorite Quote:  “I think I made a huge mistake” 

Highlights: 

This episode we freaking hilarious!  The search for Marta’s secret lover named “Hermano” was priceless.  Once again I found myself rooting for Michael and Marta, but caught myself  and realized this is going to end up really bad.  And of course it did.

18 – Beef Consomme’

Rating: 10 

Favorite Quote:  “Oh, get off the mount” – Lucille taking a veiled shot at George Sr.’s new found religion.

Highlights: 

They are squeezing every last drop they can get out of the “Hermano” joke but it has yet to get old.

Interesting fact:  Lucille at one point says “How do you like them eggrolls, Mr. Goldstone?”  I just had to know it’s origins.  It is from the musical Gypsy.  It is the same song playing in the background when Lucille was celebrating her independence from Buster.

19 – Shock and Aww

Rating:  10 

Favorite Quote:  “You took something I like so I took something you like” – Gob

Highlights: 

Gob convinces Michael that he’s ready to bury the hatchet over Marta and invites him on a double/blind date.  It turned out to be a setup, as Michael’s date was unsightly.  Not to be rude, Michael treated his not very attractive date kindly, which Gob mistakes for Michael taking interest in her.  He proceeds to sleep with her to get revenge for Marta.  This explanation does not do even 1/10 justice to how freaking hilarious this was.  Maybe this will help:

OH!  And I can’t forget the kid who used George Michael’s corny “Hey, you wanna dance?” line on the teacher and it worked!

20 – Staff Infection

Rating: 8 

Favorite Quote:  “Is this the tiny town from Footloose?” 

Highlights: 

Gob and Buster recreate the chicken scene from Footloose…  Hold on… As I’m writing this I JUST NOW realized the connection between my favorite quote and the chicken scene!  AWESOME!  So yeah, they did the Footloose chicken scene on the tractors, only the tractors actually moved like tractors and it ended with an uneventful ‘clank’.  Buster wins Gob’s respect by not jumping off, but like Kevin Bacon, he was actually just stuck. 

Missing Kitty

Rating:  9 

Favorite Quote:  “There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle-Murray” 

Highlights: 

If I ever get to meet the Inside the Actors Studio guy, James Lipton, I am going to ask him why he called Brian Doyle-Murray a coward.  My internet search turned up nothing.  Perhaps this is one of those things that are better left a mystery.   The line is t-shirt/meme worthy in my book.

22 – Altar Egos

Rating:  8 

Favorite Quote:  “I thought you said no more lawyer talk.” – Michael’s response to the lawyer telling him she has ocular retinoblastoma.

Highlights: 

This episode was okay, but it’s real value is the setup for the next episode. 

23 – Justice is Blind

Rating: 10.5  (Yeah, I just broke the scale. . . ) 

Favorite Quote/Highlights:  This episode is just too too much! 

Maeby: “I don’t know it’s, B.S.” – talking about not knowing what her fake illness B.S. is. 

Tobias:  “I always end up on all fours.” – talking about his ability to land like a cat. . . supposedly. 

Lindsay: “Oh, I don’t know.  Give them to a school” – her response to what she would do with the Ten Commandments after she gets them taken down from the courthouse as a violation of the Constitution’s separation of church and state clause. 

Gob: Still married and his wife makes him wear corny sweaters.  I’m not sure if he’s still married because he still hasn’t slept with her or because he doesn’t have the guts to break up with her. . . 

The dog named Justice is actually blind.  Hence the title “Justice is Blind.” 

And my favorite joke in the whole episode is when Gob is tattle tailing on Michael to George Sr. for Michael not wanting to steal evidence from the prosecutors house and Gob sarcastically calls Michael “Mr. Moral” to which George Sr. replies with a proud smile on his face, “Yeah, we did something right there, huh?”, while looking at Lucille.  Poor Gob just can’t win. 

24 – Best Man for the Gob

Rating:  8.5 

Favorite Quote:  “You’re not gonna go all Michael on me, are you?” 

Highlights: 

I’m starting to really wonder what Annyong’s actual name is. 

I feel bad for Michael that his dad thinks he’s no fun. 

Heart touching moment when Gob says to Michael, “you’re the best man.”  The show has an uncanny ability to trick me.  Of course the moment didn’t last.  Gob’s wife burst in and says she’s in love with his brother and Gob punches Michael.  She was talking about Tobias. . . 

25 – Whistler’s Mother

Rating:  9

Favorite Quote:  “Why are you squeezing me with your body?” – Michael’s response to his mother hugging him.

Highlights:

My notes say “Tobias has grown on me”.  Even my note about Tobias is ambiguously gay!

AND ONCE AGAIN THE SHOW SUCKERED ME IN!  Lucille gave Michael a hug and told him she would take care of his problem.  Had me feeling all warm and cozy.  Then BOOM!  Turns out she had an affair with George Sr.’s brother.

26 – Not Without My Daughter

Rating:  9

Irony:  I have no notes on this episode because I was eating and watching with my daughter.  The episode takes place on take your daughter to work day, and basically every male actor in the episode, even the extras, had their daughters with them.

By the way, my 8 year old daughter loves watching the show.  A lot of the humor is over her head but it doesn’t matter; she laughs anyway.  I love it when she laughs at the literal meaning of a joke, when the real gag is ironical or metaphorical.  All she knows is these people are crazy and I’m laughing so it must be funny.

27 – Let Em Eat Cake (season one finale!)

Rating:  9

Favorite Quote:  “I’m going to get a lethal injection because my son won’t eat a potato.” – A reference to the fact that the entire family is on the atkins diet.

Highlights: 

Creepy cousin thing aside, I love the fact that Maeby is jealous now that George Michael is seeing another girl.  So predictable, but so true this bit never gets old.  Or maybe I’m just partial because I used this strategy to get half the girlfriends I ever had. . . 

On another note, I learned from the Arrested Development wikia that George Michael’s girl-friend, the one Maeby calls Annie McNoface, played Malcolm’s girlfriend on the show Malcolm in the Middle in which her face was never shown.  Which begs the question “how long have these types of cross references between shows been going on?”  I know that Archer has done this at least one time with the Lucile/Mallory Archer character.  Is this a new tv trick or just one that the internet has made more accessible? 

Greatness Scale:

In honor of Superhero Week here at State-lines the Greatness Scale will be based on which characters would make the best superheroes and what superheroes they would be.  So without further ado:

Honorable Mention.  Michael Bluth:  Wolverine

Okay, I realize Michael Bluth doesn’t exactly conjure up images of badass killing machine, but they do have a number of similarities.  Messed up families for one.  Thanks to State-lines contributer Daniel Cura, I know that Wolverine’s mother was sneaking out with the Groundskeeper.  Michael’s mother Lucille snuck out with George Sr.’s twin brother Oscar.  Michael spends an inordinate amount of time dealing with his annoying siblings, who are often out to get him (Gob!), while Wolverine’s arch rival Sabretooth is his brother.  Lastly, they both seem to have an innate sense of duty that they have trouble balancing with their desire for independence.  Logan tries to pull the loner schtick, but you get the feeling that he needs the X-Men as much as they need him.  The same could be said about Michael.

3.  Gob:  Batman

The most obvious reason is because the voice.  Gob totally sounds like he could be Batman.  In fact, Will Arnett will be voicing Batman in The Lego Movie.  Gob also has also proven to be hell bent on vengeance, which is a staple of the Batman character.   His skills as an illusionist transfer perfectly to those needed to be the caped crusader.  Remember this line in Dark Knight Rises when Selina Kyle disappears on Bruce Wayne:

?

Can’t you totally see Gob delivering that line?  Hilarious!

2.  Lucille Bluth: Iron Man

Classic narcissist, volatile, self-obsessed, and doesn’t play well with others.  Sounds like Lucille, right?  Those are words are from the S.H.I.E.L.D. report on Tony Stark.  Lucille also displays alcoholic tendencies, has a lethal tongue when it comes to witty banter, and enjoys the lavish lifestyle.  It was extremely difficult not to put Lucille #1 given the release of Iron Man 3 this week combined with her near perfect superhero symmetry with Tony Stark, but in the end there was always only one choice for the Arrested Development Superhero award.   So without further ado, I give you:

1.  Tobias:  Gary of the Ambiguously Gay Duo

Obviously both Tobias and the AGD are over the top ambiguously gay, but that is not the only reason I picked him as the ultimate Arrested Development superhero.  I picked him because he is awesome.  Sure, I don’t talk about him a heck of a lot, but that is mainly because his character rarely has a significant role in the overall storyline of the show.  Which makes it even more impressive that he is such a force in the show.  It is as if he is a show within the show.  At first he seemed like just a bit player but now I could easily see him as the main reason some people even watch the show.

And besides, superheroes aren’t real.  When real people do decide to don a cape and play superhero they are eerily similar to Tobias.  They often suffer from the  same delusions of grandeur that make Tobias so entertaining.  Have a look at real life superhero Master Legend.  Crazy right?  Plus, early is season 2 we learn that Tobias has ninja like cloaking abilities.

In fairness to real life superheros, since first writing this article I have read Justin Little’s piece about real life superhero Phoenix-jones.  He is a superhero crime fighter by night, and mixed martial artist by day.  

If you are reading this, thanks for checking me out and make sure to check out all of the Superhero inspired articles this week, including my article about how I surprisingly found inspiration in the Green Lantern.

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About The Author

Jonas P. Arca

Licensed attorney and creator of onlinecamcourse.com, a provider of state approved educational curriculum for licensed community association managers. Here at State-lines I write blogs and host podcasts about sports, trending topics, and whatever else I happen to be inspired by at the time.

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