Why Wolverine is the Best Superhero Ever (Not Batman) and Why You Shouldn’t Listen to Jason Sowell.
When I was growing up I loved superheroes, especially Wolverine and Batman (Spider-Man is up there too). I still do. But those two are my tops. But right now my friend Jason Sowell is trying to convince you that Batman is the best superhero ever. I’m here to tell you why he’s wrong. Wolverine is the best and we all know it. Even if you think you don’t know it, you do. It’s time to quit fooling yourself, kids.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love Batman. I love him so hard! Hell, I even have a decal of his cowl on my laptop.
Batman is amazing! But the best? Ehhh, that’s debatable. You see, I know both of these characters. I’m not here to say, “Wolverine is the best because he’s my favorite and you’re stupid!” No, I can debate this point because I have an equal love for both of these characters and that means I can argue as to why Wolvie takes the cake as the best superhero ever.
But seriously, Wolverine is the best because he’s my favorite and you’re stupid.
First and foremost, claws are just cool! Plain and simple! I know Batman is rich and has a ton of expensive and fancy toys and gadgets, but come on! Wolverine has freaking claws that come out of his freaking hands!
Okay, now that I’ve stated the obvious, let’s go a bit further into how Wolverine’s origin story totally trumps Batman’s. By now we all know Batman’s story: Bruce Wayne’s parents were killed when he was a kid while they were walking in Crime Alley on their way back from a movie. After that, Bruce grew up to fight the type of crime that took his parents from him. It’s very sad and very respectable. Good job, Bruce! You go Bruce! (Also, a word to the wise: don’t walk around in a place called Crime Alley. That just seems self-explanatory. But I digress…) Again, Bruce watched his parents die and that’s messed up. But guess what? So did Wolverine, and his experience was so much worse! Wolverine was born as James Howlett, son of John and Elizabeth Howlett. But Wolverine was actually the illegitimate child of Elizabeth and the Howlett’s groundskeeper, Thomas Logan. After Logan was banished from the property, he came back and killed John Howlett, Wolverine’s adoptive father. In turn, Wolverine produced his bone claws and killed Thomas Logan, his biological father. His mother then banished young Wolverine from the estate and committed suicide. So let’s recap: Wolverine watched his biological dad kill his adoptive dad, then he killed his biological dad, then his mom killed herself. Yeah, that seems more dramatic and traumatizing than getting mugged in an alley if you ask me.
Okay, on to my next point. Batman has ninja training, and any way you slice that it’s awesome. (Heh heh, get it? Slice?) But guess what, after Wolverine left his home he went into the wilderness and lived with wolves. He lived with wolves! After becoming a member of the OG Wolf Pack he then went to live with an Indian tribe for a bit. Talk about ridiculous training, right? Right.
Now, we all know that Wolverine is a mutant. Duh, I already mentioned the super awesome claws. But in addition to the claws, he had the near indestructible metal alloy adamantium bonded to his skeleton. This metal also makes his skeleton much heavier, meaning his muscles have to be strong enough to support it, which leads to near-superhuman strength. So you see, what Wolverine already has within him ready to go Batman has to compensate for by using a protective suit and gizmos. I don’t want to say Batman is cheating, but you see what I’m getting at. Not to mention Batman doesn’t have superhuman strength so he has to be all sneaky and tactical when taking down baddies, while Wolverine can just go balls to the wall and kick ass without subtlety. That makes for a more fun and entertaining superhero.
Another addition to Wolverine’s mutant characteristics is his healing factor. This allows him to heal and recover from almost any wound and keep on kicking bad guy butt. But, that’s not to say he doesn’t feel pain. Actually, he feels the pain from every wound he sustains but he constantly sacrifices that part of himself to do what is right. Yes, that also means he feels pain each and every time he produces his claws from his hands. His claws cut through his skin when they come out and his skin heals when they retract back into his arms. You either have to be really crazy or really dedicated to constantly put up with that agony each time there’s some good to be done. Lucky for us, Wolverine is a little bit of both. Now, this healing factor also slows his aging process down. Wolverine was actually born in the late 1880s and fought in World War I and World War II. That means he is old and wise from his age and experience (He is super smart and knows multiple languages from throughout his long life travels), but still physically young enough to keep on fighting the good fight for a long time to come. That’s the kind of longevity and insurance you want in a protector and hero!
Wolverine also has very acute animal senses, such as smell. He can literally smell trouble! Don’t even try to top that one, Batman. Just sit down. He also has keen eyesight and hearing which proves very helpful in the field. He can even use his senses as a form of lie detector, in which he can hear a person’s heartbeat speed up or smell their sweat if lying. What the what?! This isn’t looking good for you, Bats…
These animal senses lead me to my next point. Wolverine is animalistic and feral by nature, which means he is constantly battling rage and his animal instinct in order to keep the human side of himself intact so he can continue to be a hero and do good. That speaks volumes of his true character. His mutation is a gift and a curse. This isn’t a school paper so I’m going to quote Wikipedia because they state perfectly that, “Wolverine’s mutation process will eventually cause him to degenerate physically into a more primitive, bestial state.” That’s pretty intense. What makes it more impactful is that, as fans, we can actually see what Wolverine would be like if he gave in to his savage nature. This is exactly what Sabretooth does and he turns out to be a heartless, bloodthirsty killing machine.
In addition to all of this, Wolverine has constantly been plagued by betrayal and tragedy. His parents aside, he has seen almost everyone he has loved die. Some of this is done by others, some of this is due to him outliving them because of his slow aging, and some of this has been done accidentally by his own claws. Also, he has had his memory erased or changed multiple times, once even by his and the X-Men’s leader Professor Xavier. But despite of this, he continues to fight for good and do what he knows is right, even if he has no recollection of why he knows it is right.
Now, I’m not here to pretend that Wolverine is the best because he is perfect. He is very far from perfect. But his imperfections make him feel more human and relatable. He’s a man’s man. He’s hardcore, sarcastic and doesn’t take shit from anyone. He is constantly struggling with his own demons and he has quite the drinking problem at times. But to be fair, his healing factor negates the long-term effects of the alcohol. I wish I had Wolverine’s liver. But perhaps most importantly and most arguably, Wolverine is not afraid to take a life when he needs to. He’s a badass, he’s an antihero, and he will kill someone if it is absolutely necessary. Now I know all of you Batman fanboys are screaming at me right now about Batman’s moral code and being firmly against killing because of what happened to his parents. I know. Chill out and change your underoos. Wolverine too has a code of honor he goes by, but he realistically understands what is at stake if he lets severely dangerous people walk. While it seems he can kill with ease, he hates doing it and avoids it when he can. But again, he isn’t self-diluted to the point where he will let one super dangerous madman live so he might have the chance to kill hundreds of innocent people in the future. He doesn’t just put dangerously insane villains in Arkham Asylum and wait for them to break out again. And again. And again. Seriously, get it together, Batman.
Batman is a great role model, but Wolverine is a great superhero. Plus is takes two of Batman to equal one Wolverine.
Sorry, Bats. Snikts and kisses.